Team Seven Rates Life!
by WriterforLife29
Summary: The offspring of 'Naruto Rates Disney'. Watch Team 7 as they converse about the mysteries of life. Or see Sasuke do, well you know! Sasusaku "I love Halloween! Those Christian advocates can't get me down!" "Um, what?"
1. Chapter 1

**Sakura**

_Naruto_

Sasuke

**"Welcome to Team Seven Rates Life!"**

_"I still think it should be Naruto Rates Life."_

"You're conceited sometimes, Naruto."

_"Says the dude who thinks all girls worship him."_

"Because they do."

_"Sasuke, you're not that hot."_

"Yes I am."

_"No you're not."_

**"Yes he is."**

"Outnumbered Naruto."

**"I'd like to thank the fans of Naruto Rates Disney."**

_"Yeah! You guys made us in one of the top 5 of SasuxSakufan's stories!"_

"Which is a big deal, since there's 31 stories."

**"We've checked and we're in the top 5 for reviews, favs, hits, and alerts!"**

_"Either you guys love us a lot, or you have no lives."_

**"Naruto! Sorry fans."**

"For the record this idiot doesn't reflect the views of us or SasuxSakufan."

**"So if you have a problem, take it up with Naruto."**

_"So we're supposed to be taking about general topics right?"_

"Right?"

_"Sooooooooo, what should we talk about?"_

**"I don't know? Sasuke?"**

_"Talk about Sasuke?"_

**"No, I was asking Sasuke. But I wouldn't mind talking about Sasuke."**

_"What about him?"_

**"Well SasuxSakufan just came back from a Zutara forum and is feeling a bit, you know."**

_"Ah, okay. Here's the things fans. Sometimes the authoress has to vent out her Zutarian or SasuSaku beliefs through Sakura."_

"So for the next few lines, Sakura will be possessed by SasuxSakufan."

_"She can do that?!"_

**"It's fanfiction Naruto. I can do anything."**

_"Sakura?"_

**"No, SasuxSakufan."**

_"The authoress?"_

**"No, your mother, seriously Naruto get with the program!"**

"So what do you have to say about Zutara or SasuSaku?"

**"Zutara is Avatar's version of SasuSaku. Except the show is over and it ended in Kataang! Which is just like NaruSaku! Ugh! Don't get me wrong I loved the ending. It made me cry. But Zutara is the most popular ship!"**

"Are you done?"

**"Yes. Sorry, I've got a plot bunny for a Naruto/Avatar crossover. And when I have a plot bunny I get. . .edgy."**

_"Are you Sakura again?"_

**"Well now I am. I hate when she posseses me."**

_"Well it would seem wierd if those words came from Sasuke or me."_

**"True."**

"Please await the next chapter."

**"And the updating of other stories."**

_"And the new Naruto/Avatar crossover."_

"Half credit to cannycarboncopy. They created the plot bunny in a forum, and left it to be used by anyone who thought they could expand on it."

**"Sasuke, you got the last word that one time. But not this time!"**

"Really?"

**"Yes, really."**

_"Hey you guys, don't start. It's only the first chapter."_

**"What do you mean?"**

_"You know. You guys go off on your own leaving me out-"_

"And have a dirty conversation?"

_"Yes!"_

"Would you LIKE to be part of a dirty conversation between Sakura and I?"

_"Uh, no thanks. I don't roll that way."_

**"Then be quiet and listen to our naughty words."**

_". . .wtf?"_

**"I told you that would shut him up."**

"Okay, I owe you one."

_"I will not be silenced!"_

**"Naruto. . .need I say more?"**

_"I'll behave."_

"I've been trying to end this chapter for a while now. Just say goodbye, Sakura."

**"Goodbye Sakura!"**

_"That was lame."_

**"Says the one whose english dub's catch phrase is, 'Believe it!'?"**

_"Whatever."_

"If there is anyone up there, strike me down, NOW!"

. . . . . . . . . . .

_"Somebody up there hates you, Sasuke."_

"Don't I know it."


	2. Circulation

_"So what are we supposed to be doing?"_

**"We're supposed to explain the authoress' story circulation."**

"But before that, how did Kagome-Loves-Kouga get striked?! I asked first!"

**"Because you're too cute to hit."**

_"If that's true, why am I always getting beat up?"_

. . .

"Do you really need an answer?"

_"No. . ."_

**"Can we get back to the circulation?"**

_"Right!"_

"You see, the stories are updated by the latest date."

_"That's a bit confusing."_

"Let Sakura explain."

**"Say Story 1, Story 2, and, Story 3 were updated in that order. Then we start all over again with Story 1."**

"But say there's some writers block for Story 2. Then we skip it and go on to Story 3."

**"So the story you're reading may take a while to update."**

"Especially since there are 21 fanfics in circulation."

_"How does SasuxSakufan find the time?"_

**"It's summer vaction. School doesn't start until another 2 weeks or so."**

"But once school starts, there may be a great time before any stories are updated.

**"I think that's all we have to say."**

_"Sorry if it's short."_

"It's almost midnight and even great writers need rest."

**"-yawn- And I didn't get enough sleep when You and Naruto were arguing about your voice actors popularity."**

_"As long as we all know, Junko is the best."_

"No she isn't."

**"Not again. I'm goin' to sleep."**

"I'll join you."

_"I'll puke."_


	3. Miracle Berry

**"So, you guys get the memo?"**

"Yeah."

_"What memo?"_

**"It told us today's subject."**

_"I didn't get one."_

"Oh well."

**"Let's get started!"**

_"Wait what are we takling about?!"_

**"Shut up and listen!"**

"It's about the so called, 'Miracle Berry'."

_"Miracle what?"_

**"It makes everything sweeter!"**

_"What?"_

**"Yep."**

"Some kids that don't like vegetables ate some broccoli. Then they ate some of the berry, and ate the broccoli again."

_"And?"_

**"And they love it! The berry makes everything sweeter!"**

"It's also called the 'Magic Berry'. It's only available through special request."

_"Why did I not get this memo!?"_

**"Because, you were purposely left out."**

_"Why?"_

"For humor."

_"That's it?"_

**"Yep."**

_"Anything else about this magic fruit?"_

**"In the '70s, they tried to sell it like normal produce."**

"Although, that never happened."

_"Why?"_

**"Some say it was sabotage, from sugar companies."**

_"Selfish sugar companies."_

"You can blame them. They've already got competition from sweetners, like Splenda."

**"The las thing they need is a healthy fruit, that makes food sweet. Then sugar would cease to exist."**

_"No! How would you make candy, and other sweets?"_

"Use a sugar substitute, like Splenda, or Equal."

**"For a guy who doesn't like sweets, you know alot about sweetners."**

"I got an extra memo."

**"What?!"**

"Yep."

**"B-but. . .I-pantpantpant. . .why? I mean, why? -pantpantpant- Why did you get one and I. . .I thought I was. . ."**

"Don't take it personally. It's only because my japanese voice actor can sing."

**"What!?"**

_"Mine can sing too!"_

**"SHUT UP!! That's it, because he can sing?"**

"Yep. SasuxSakufan especially likes Suigintoru no Yoru, and STAINLESS NIGHT."

**"Butbutbutbutbutbutbut-"**

_"Gosh Sakura, breathe."_

**"SHUT UP!!"**

"Touchy. I think we're done."

**"NO! We're done when I say we're done!!"**

"Okay."

. . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

_"Is anyone gonna say anything?"_

**"SHUT UP!!"**

"You're being really bratty, Sakura."

**". . ."**

"Well?"

**"Don't think I don't have a comment. I'm just saving it for later."**

_"Please! Just end this!"_

See more next time!!

* * *


	4. Wrong Category

For the record, I watched Lucky Star. It was awesome. Maybe this story was a subconcious decision. When I heard the was an english dub, I started watching it online. The dub voices are pretty good.

But enough about that! Onto the fic!

* * *

**". . ."**

_"Um, Sakura?"_

**". . ."**

"I guess I'm opening up this chapter."

_"Sasuke this is serious! Sakura is the backbone of this story!"_

"If you say so."

". . ."

_"Aren't you gonna say something!?"_

"No."

_"But we gotta find out what's wrong!"_

"She's just being bratty, because I'm the favored character."

**". . ."**

_"She didn't even respond when you called her a brat! Sasuke, this is bad! You need to do something!"_

"Why me?"

_"Because this is your fault!"_

"-sigh- Fine. Sakura?"

**". . ."**

"Sakura?"

**". . ."**

"Sakura, if you don't answer, I'm excluding you from this chapter."

**". . ."**

"Don't you know what that means?"

**". . ."**

"It means, you won't even have this '. . .' Don't you at least want that?"

**". . ."**

_"Sasuke I think she's dead!"_

"Shut up, I'm doing my best."

_"Well it's not enough! Try harder!"_

"Fine. Sakura, why don't you tell us what's wrong?"

_"Gosh Sasuke, no need to be sarcastic."_

**"Will you guy stop. It's not because Sasuke is the most popular character. Which he is not."**

_"Yeah I'm the favorite character!"_

"If it's not that, why are you upset?"

**"Because the Absolute Boyfriend category has been disgraced."**

_"What?"_

"Oh that. You see fans, there's a manga called, 'Absolute Boyfriend'. And some authors think it's okay to put in fanfics about something else."

**"And it's not even an anime or a manga! When you get to the story, it's Harry Potter, or Jonas Brothers!!"**

_"Not that we have anything against them."_

"We just want to see them in the proper category. You don't go to the Naruto archive, and find Winnie the Pooh stories, do you?"

**"It's really frustrating! And the reviews are all, 'this is against the rules', 'take it down!'. They all hate the fic, but the author refuses to remove it. That's why SasuxSakufan has reported each one."**

_"Harsh, they get reported?"_

**"They have more than 5 reviews saying it doesn't belong, they had enough time to delete it. First fanfic or not, they should adhere to the rules, otherwise they're shaming themselves."**

_"I think we better stop this before Sakura snaps."_

"Agreed."

**"Don't cut me o-"**

"See you next time."

* * *

PS:I really do dislike it when i'm trying to find a fic, and it's about some other thing. Makes me wanna punch that author.

If they want a category for that fic, they should request one, not spam other categories with it.

I don't even thing those authors know what Absolute Boyfriend is.

oh, and the writing style leaves much to be desired.

to see these stories, go to the Absolute Boyfriend archive in the anime/manga section.

The Jonas Brothers one is: Love at First sight. (Some fangirl's dream of them appearing at her school)

The Harry Potter one: Dylans escapade, or something.(I didn't even read this one that as much as the other. The first line I recognized the names, and reported it.


	5. Today!

_"Do you guys know what today is!?"_

"No."

_"Neither do I!! So tell us Sakura!!"_

**"Today is a couple of things actually. 1)it's Google's 10th birthday. 2)it's Nickelodeon's Worldwide Day of Play. And 3)it's Saturday which means our show comes on Toonami tonight."**

_"Worldwide Day of what?"_

"Who cares if the show comes on? It's just fillers right now."

**"But a true fan watches every episode, no matter what!"**

_"Seriously, it's Google's 10th birthday?"_

"Apparently."

**"Can you imagine a world without Google?"**

"Students would have to do homework on some other search engine."

_"Another one? Like what?"_

**"Maybe they could search on 'Ask'."**

_"Please, Ask has nothing on Google. After they let Jeeves go it went downhill for me."_

"You see to know a lot about it Naruto."

_"Whenever I'm bored, I look up random stuff. Hey what does 'Google' mean anyway? Where did it come from?"_

**"It's actually a misspelling of the number 'googol'."**

"What number is that?"

**"It's the digit 1, with 100 zeros behind it.**

_"Wow."_

"Well, that explains Google's name."

_"What's that Worldwide Day of Play thing?"_

**"It's when Nickelodeon goes off air for 3 hours-"**

_"WHY?!"_

**"So kids will go outside and play. It's to promote fitness."**

"Why do you care, Naruto?"

_"Because SpongeBob rocks!!"_

". . ."

**". . .Okay."**

_"I'm serious."_

**"I'm sure you are Naruto. I'm very sure."**

"It's scary when he's serious, because it's about the most ridiculous things."

**"True."**

_"Hey! I'm serious about other stuff too!"_

"For example?"

_"I'm serious about ramen."_

**"You need therapy time."**

_"What?"_

"Yeah, as payback for what you did in 'Naruto Rates Disney'."

_"What did I do?"_

**"You sent us to therapy-"**

"-and replaced us with Lee and Ino-"

**"-and then Neji and TenTen."**

_"Your point?"_

**"That's it! You're going!"**

_"Going where?!"_

"To therapy."

_"What?! NO!!"_

**"Tune in next time!"**


	6. Pizza

_"Red alert! Red alert!"_

**"What is it now Naruto?"**

_"Something amazing!"_

"Coming from you Naruto, you must've just found out that 3 comes BEFORE 10."

_"What? I know that!"_

**"Naruto count to 10."**

_"3 9 1 875 0 3 w 11 34 10. HA! In your face!"_

**". . ."**

"Unbelievable."

_"But really you gotta hear this!"_

**"-sigh- What is it Naruto?"**

_"They're doing something in Italy!"_

"Which is?"

_"They have pizza vending machines!"_

". . ."

**"This was the 'red alert'?"**

_"This is something big! You get a choice of 4 different pizzas!"_

**"Really?"**

"How much does it cost?"

_"6 dollars!"_

**"But doesn't it take a long time to make it?"**

_"It takes less than 3 minutes."_

**"Hmmm, and it actually works?"**

_"Yeah, but the chefs are a little skeptic."_

"I can imagine."

**"What do you mean?"**

"A machine is doing their work in less than half the time it takes them."

_"Yeah, they said you can't beat quality. And the only good thing about it was the price."_

**"Hmmm, that actually wasn't completely idiotic."**

_"See? Not everything I do is stupid."_

**"More importantly, we have an announecement."**

_"More important than pizza vending machines!?"_

"Yes. SasuxSakufan knows you guys have some news that you might hear around the world-"

**"Or maybe there's something that crosses your mind and you want us to elaborate on it."**

_"Like maybe that purple teletubby wearing a purse!"_

"Either way, if you want to hear it. Send a message."

**"If you want one of us to specifically mention it, send it to SasuxSakufan signed to us."**

_"You know you wanna type 'Dear Naruto'."_

**"Or 'Dear Sakura'."**

_"Or 'Dear Naruto'."_

**"Dear Sakura."**

_"Dear Naruto."_

**"DEAR SAKURA!!!!"**

_". . ."_

**"I thought so. Send us your thoughts!"**

What the? They stole my authors note!?!?

-sigh- So. . .yeah, what she said. Send me your thoughts.

Can't believe it, I write an authors note to follow the end of the chapter, and they TAKE IT!

Oh well. Someone's getting replaced for at least 1 chapter.

* * *


	7. Halloween

_"It's Halloween! Alright!"_

"Quiet down you idiot."

**"What's with you Naruto?"**

_"I love Halloween! Those Christian advocates can't get me down!"_

**"Um, what?"**

"What are you talking about?"

_"I was watching something on TV. It was about the history of Halloween."_

**"And?"**

_"It was talkin' about Christianity and how the churhces always want say it's bad and Satan blah blah blah!"_

**"What do you mean?"**

_"Some church made a haunted house to put Halloween in a bad light. They even had a part where a woman goes to hell after having an abortion."_

**"-gasp-"**

"Those Christians are hardcore."

**"Not all are like that, right?"**

_"Yeah, those are just some extremists. Everyone loves Halloween, even just a little bit."_

**"So are you dressing up?"**

_"Yep! I'm gonna be Takuya Kanbara, from Digimon Frontier!"_

**". . ."**

_"What? You don't understand the reference?"_

"If we're doing references then why don't I go as Uryu Ishida?"

**"Okay okay, enough of that. I think we've talked enough about Halloween."**

_"We hope you enjoyed this chapter. See ya soon!"_

- - - - - - -

For the record I did see that haunted house on the History Channel. As soon as they said a woman went to hell for an abortion I changed the channel. That's a little too much, plus it was late at night and I was about to go to sleep.


End file.
